Discovery Two

The pain was urgent and was demanding release, so I decided to purchase one of the books and return to the privacy of my home where I could explore the words and the stories. I had to find out why I was seeing myself in the books I had chosen to browse through.

It was difficult to decide which book to buy. I grabbed two of the books and took them to the check-out counter and asked the sales lady for a recommendation. I explained about the radio program I’d stumbled onto and my curiosity about certain words and phrases. The words that struck my spirit most were the words “dysfunctional” and “the responsible one.” I don’t know why they struck me but I was desperate to explore this new-found territory and take the first step in the journey of discovery. As I began to speak, another sob came rushing to the surface with the full force of unrestrained grief and agony. I stood there in that little book store, trembling and fighting the tears and the pain that demanded release. I’d been a happy person up until that moment – or so I thought. Then I did something that seemed so inexcusable, so unlike me, I buried my face in my hands and sobbed in a public place as though no one else was present.

As I cried, gentle arms reached around me in a tender embrace and a soft, compassionate voice whispered into my heart, “It’s OK. It hurts. It’s OK to cry. Let it go. There’s healing in letting go. There’s healing in tears.”

When I uncovered my eyes, two people were hugging me: the nice sales lady from behind the counter and a giant man. Both had tears in their eyes. Both wore expressions of compassion and understanding. I felt protected and I felt loved. Days later, I discovered that the lady and the giant were married to each other and were owners of the bookstore that bore the name “Stepping Stones.” They’d been through their own healing of the wounded child and they knew and understood my pain.

Both books I’d selected were recommended as starters, and the sales lady even gave me some literature about various support groups in the area. When I returned to my home I opened one of the books and started reading, turning the pages very carefully as if each page were a very fragile thing. With every turn of the page, little red paper hearts spilled from the book onto my chest -- right over the area of my heart. I giggled and cried at the same time. I was being loved by people I didn’t know and probably would never have taken the time to meet. It was a blessed moment.

That began my process of healing the inner child and of learning to trust people, and of gaining a world of love.

Story to be continued...

Discovery One

Several, if not all, of my friends are struggling with past painful issues. I hurt for them. I've been where they are -- but it's been so long ago. After asking myself how I can help them in their journey of pain, an inspiration came to me this morning. Having walked that valley of pain, I can write about my discoveries and recoveries and share them here. Hopefully, my stories might provide a form of encouragement for someone who is walking that path of discovery.

So here it is, Discovery One:

It’s been several years since I made a significant breakthrough that began the process of changing my life. For many years, I used to say, “I don’t need people in my life.” Interesting thing to say, isn’t it? I never gave it a thought until that fateful day.

It was in the early 1980s when I discovered the wounded child. I was out for one of my daily walks and spotted a bookstore along my usual route. I hadn’t noticed the bookstore before, but being an avid reader I walked into the store to investigate. All the books and literature on display were about dysfunctional families and drug and alcohol addictions. The word “dysfunction” caught my attention. I heard that word while scanning for stations on my car radio just the day before and wondered what it meant. I found it fascinating that I’d been hooked by a word and I wanted to know more. Though I can't remember where I read this or who said it, the statement has much wisdom and definitely applied to me at that specific moment: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” I think I reached the point of readiness that day.

As I flipped through the pages of several books in the bookstore I saw bits and pieces of myself in every book I opened. An undeniable pain began to surface. I fought the tears, got angry at them, tried to choke them back, and felt a dreadful anguish struggling to escape. It was a battle I thought I’d loose, but I’d been trained very well in holding back tears, so the only thing that escaped was a very distressed sob.

After that, I was composed and in control once again. But, what on earth was that anguish about?

Story to be continued….

More about Mountains and Valleys

I settled into the chair and took that first small sip from the warm cup of steaming aromatic tea. It comforted me as I gazed out the window of the little tea shop. Only minutes ago the sun illuminated the landscape, brightening the rain soaked places that sparkled in the sun. All too soon, however, the accumulation of rain clouds rolled across the sky and closed it up again and the earth darkened. I'm forever thankful for the sun-breaks that frequently happen during the day. They help brighten up the earth when the gloom gets too heavy.

This was a pensive morning. I had just left a friend who shared deep sorrow -- sorrow so deep that she was still wrapped in the raw pangs of it and unable to accept comfort. I thought about her shattered life and continued looking out the window with thoughts about sorrow and suffering. There is so much pain in the world. Everyone hurts. This, I suppose, is my day to think about pain and why it happens. Sorrow and suffering happens to everyone. There's no escaping it. It's part of life. It comes and it goes. It comes again, and it goes again -- like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide.

One thought, the thought that comforts me, is that pain and suffering is the only way our faith can grow. It's in the lowest valley of humility where we find God's comfort; it’s in the darkest shadow of the mountain where we experience His peace; and it’s in climbing the dusty journey up the mountain where we know His power and His strength. Grace comes as we completely surrender to God's will. It's in this time of submission that we are given His vision for that which we can become, and it's where we hear His voice as He guides us into becoming all that we can become in His design.

I've traveled with sorrow and suffering all of my life and I consider myself most blessed. You see, I've had many Son breaks during those dark days and I discovered that there is joy in the midst of suffering. I pray this joy for my friend -- frequent Son breaks as she heals. She will see that at the end of her journey there will be peace and she will look back and see how much she has grown.